Why i even give a f.

You might have heard people say.. "I don't care about what others say, i just do my own stuff"

But these are the people who have probably spent enough time giving fs until they have improved and be better and earn so much more until they can afford to don't give a f to what others are saying. You know what i mean right.

When something is precious to you, of course you put in a lot of thoughts and considerations to what people think about it and you wanna know how to improve.

But then as time goes.. I just feel so frustrated about caring becox after sifting through what everyone who thinks they have an opinion good enough to be shared..

I realise that i always have more people liking / loving me than those who doesn't.

Always. At any point of time.. Through any drama.. Past every phase of my life..

But why do i still give a shit about the small percentage of people who make nasty remarks even when most of the time, it's untrue and unfair.

Becox.. I STILL CARE.

One episode of Budget Barbie went down rather badly (maybe a year ago) cox that area simply have no shit to shop, do i blame myself, yes and no. I blame myself cox i was just too over-confident that i can definitely spend $100 on good stuff everywhere i go but i don't blame myself becox a reality show is as such, i get good buys, i get lousier buys. Sunny days, rainy days, kinda out of our control.

But the point is..

Life goes on.

I'd love to think that way and just carry on but from the comments of that episode, i decided to stop reading comments altogether. Except to choose the winners for the episode lah. I pick by random. So i no longer read through all the comments and this is one of my biggest regret cox occasionally when i do see some comments (cox i have to announce winners on the comment page).. I see the sweetest comments from girls who really like me and look up to me.. And that's the kind of innocence i see when i have events / flea and girls come and say hi to me, ask for a picture or a hug.. Things like that make me happy. Almost as happy as reading nice comments.

But i don't wanna go through them anymore cox there will be that 10% of the comments sitting down there looking like monsters. Like they want to consume me and my happiness. Like they can.

So i stopped reading comments! Becox everytime i see something nasty / untrue / angry / rude / demanding like i owe them a fking living, i blow up.

I know, you're gonna say "Not everyone's gonna like you" Yeah shut up, did i ask for them to like me? Don't be a fking smartass. You don't know until you see the comments people can say. And they are not saying it to you, so you won't feel it. And when i see it, all i see is these people want me to go down. They can dislike me and stay there, but they want me be ripped off of my job, my popularity, my following, my self-esteem, my everything.

Yeah, bring it. I am not going down. I am afraid i might even have to go up up up =D

You think by typing

"We are not haters. We are neither fans. we watched the videos because clicknetwork has got a great theme for the shows. they got her as host because she used to be good. but now, she is no longer that good. i think as viewers, we have the rights to comment. nobody is commenting on how she look, they are just commenting based on the time viewers forked out to watch her videos, time spent is seriously not worth it more and more. yes, we dont like it, we can dont watch. but why do we watch? because we are expecting something from her. which is WHY SHE IS PAID. give justice to those advertisers who paid their cash on this commercial site. it's the commercial world out here."

It's a commercial world out there? How about it's a gofkyourself world out there? =D I don't dislike you nor like you i just think you should go and take a knife and stab yourself in the heart 5 times and drop dead =D JIANG FEI HUA.

STILL SAY UNTIL LIKE DAMN GOT LOGIC.

I am not going to go "Oh ho ho yeah you are right i am a lousy host i should probably quit"

NO I AM A DAMN GOOD HOST FOR A NOOBIE WHO HAS NO TRAINING WHATSOEVER.

That's why you should kill yourself.

I am paid.. So you expect something from me? YOU WATCH FOR FREE YOU KPSMLJ.

Another reason why you should kill yourself. What, why? Since we don't need logic anymore, i can ask you to kill yourself as i wish. Are you going to listen to me? No but i hope yes but no you're not going to do it. You are so stubborn. Why can't you go according to my expectation of you?! And kill yourself?! Why?

You see what i mean?! I don't think most of it makes sense but it doesn't change the fact that it makes my blood boil when i read it.

It's like you think you are the boss of me. Annoying. If i can work well with bossy annoying people, i wouldn't be at home hitting on my keyboard all day long. So thank god i can survive on the internet despite the same kind of bossy annoying people lurking on it. Cox why?

COX YOU'RE NOT (though you are, bossy and annoying) MY BOSS. So don't spend 5 minutes typing me a appraisal like you have to. Spend it wisely like go shave your armpit hair or floss your teeth or read a self-help book title

"How do i be happy when internet people can't make me?"

It is bound to be the bestselling book if there's ever one. Too many people thinking it's our responsibility to make you feel pleased when you come visit. Sorry my blog is not a brothel. Sorry Budget Barbie is not porn. Why don't you call for Mcdees. It never fail to make me happy. Unless of course when they mess up my order or forget to throw in ketchup for my fries.

I am a person. When i am happy and you rub some off me, good for you! If i am angry, and you don't wanna feel angry, you always have a choice to not read. It's the same thing with the show i host!

Where were we. Right. About demanding rude and shit people.

"Hey Qiu qiu,

I am getting extremely disappointed at your budget-clothes-finding skills. Anything above $10 is expensive and most of your items are about $15.

Please put in more effort into finding cheap and nice clothes because if an audience like me can find them at $5 (even in MRT shops), you are a host who is not resourceful enough to be worthy of being called a budget barbie.

Otherwise, I suspect that you are just doing another commercialized youtube show like everyone else.

Thanks."

Suspect lin lao bu. THEN, YOU COME AND HOST MY SHOW. Come! Super annoying!!! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT WITHIN MRT STATION, like i said in the show, WITHIN. If you wanna talk about shops near MRT station, i also can find cheap clothes anytime ah!!!

Fact is i have looked through the WHOLE MRT MAP and their shop listings.

Most of the stations have pawn shop, dental clinics, clinics, bakery, eatz noodle shop, electrical shops, tuition center, manicure salon, hair salon.. But fashion related stores?

And after going through all the listing of shops listed WITHIN the station, i decided to make my way to four different stations where i know there are some fashion stuff at least. And the most prominent one is at City Hall / Raffles Place. If you been there, you'd know that the shops there don't sell their stuff cheap. So.. GOOD FOR YOU YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO GET A $5 ITEM!

So you know what i mean?! If i were to read through the comments, there will be so much i can speak up for myself. But really.. I don't 'have that energy.

Tonight i regret reading through the comments on THE FIRST PAGE alone. In fact i didn't even manage to read pass the first page. Two comments and i'm like "I knew it was the right thing to do.. To stop reading comments"

So conclusion of the story is.. I still care about what people say but i don't have the life to go through them. If i were to sit through the hundreds of comments (though mostly nice / neutral)..

This would be me. Vomit blood.

If it comes to me i'd take a look. If it's out there, so let it be. This is how i look at comments from everyone now.

Reading all the other kind of comments where people have anonymity suck the life out of me. But to everyone who's reading this.. If you have something nice to say.. Leave me a comment on imotiv or on my blog comment section.. I don't miss those =)

If you have nothing nice to say.. Still feel free to say whatever you want and get assorted cancer.

Anyway.. I rant enough. Thank you for running through this with me.

Here are some of my favourite Budget Barbie episodes recently =)

Haji Lane ^.^ Where all the nicest cheapest clothes hides and resides haha =D

Crazy flea where i bought crazy loads of stuff with $100 =DDD

If you don't know yet, you HAVE to watch this for Singapore's very own outlet mall ❤ Where everything is cheaper like up to 70% cheaper than in their normal stores!!!

And to you you and you who have nice good hearts, i hope that you give a f enough to improve and better and to prove them stupid people wrong.. And to make people who love you proud =)

And learn to ignore the ones who think they have it all figured out about you.

I mean really, how can they, when even you have yet to learn everything about yourself?

Keep the dream alive before you get to a point where you feel you don't even have a dream anymore. Here's one for you =') This song sometimes make me tear up.. It's a comfortable song..

I am off to Hong Kong on Friday thanks to Hong Kong Disneyland and Nuffnang =) Everyone should visit Disneyland every once a year at least. To keep the magic going in your life..

And magic for sure doesn't come with writing people appraisals online like you own them and they owe you. Go do yourself a favour and be happy.