Filling the blanks with thankful feelings

I know a lot of you have been really nice to me, all the while. Josh, my family, my friends, my sponsors, my readers and the Nuffies. Even my doggies are nice to me haha.
But sometimes all i wanna do is to sleep and wake up a multi-millionaire and do more for people and things i love. But if it's not happening now..

I guess i just have to fill in the blanks with thoughts that keeps me going.

What is this feeling that i just feel like crying almost all the time.

I get upset with people outside, i call Josh and cry.

I open up sweet gifts from readers in my room, i say several Thank Yous and then i tear.

I read the comments people left on Budget Barbie 50th Episode (it's been two years since i first hosted Budget Barbie =')), i cry. Btw, two years ago i very ugly. Wtf was i thinking, i remember thinking i was very chio and felt confident hosting lolol. Hahaha.

There's a lot of things happening in my life right not. I mean.. Not a lot, it's the same things, but different happenings. Same, work. But different jobs. Same idea of wanting more money, but different sum. Haha. You know what i mean..?

I mean, i realise maybe.. Enough is never enough.

If you have $10,000 you will think "But it's not even enough to buy a car".

If you have $100,000 you will think "But it's not even enough to buy a property"

When you can afford to buy a property, you will think "But it's not even enough to buy a nicer, bigger, more conveniently located property "

Maybe that's what keeps everyone going. I don't think it's lack. It's just things to work ourselves forward to. You know, like something you need to keep yourself on the move.

But sometimes you're not even sure if you can be really happy with something bigger, better.. Until you get there. Sometimes the process of getting there already makes you damn unhappy.

Not saying i am unhappy lah. I am mostly happy. It's just sometimes, you go URGH. Especially when people and things make you lose faith in them.


Today was great.. The fashion show, the people backstage, you guys who came to say hi, Mich, Zhen and Josh coming down to accompany me through out, Pizza Hut putting in so much effort for our dinner session, Nuffies going down to help out the whole day.. And the gifts people passed me, everything was good. Thank you.

I was really feeling very happy and grateful with everyone who helped me.

Except at the end of the day, i met with a problem. And the reason why i have this problem is becox.

I am not a multi-millionaire (yet).

Feeling a bit down.

But i will keep reminding myself that things are okay and it can only be better.

I just have to believe that i can. And that it has to start from me.

I have ten thousands pictures in my computer. Will update with pictures really soon. Everyone who went for the dinner session say they prefer seeing more pictures on my blog. And that the words i write on my blog are.. Nevermind, i understand where you guys are coming from. Haha.

I write a lot of rubbish.